Truer Than Fiction

My not-so-eventful, everyday life.

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Location: Gaithersburg, Maryland, United States

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Life Tilt

Cross-posted from my other blog. Enjoy.

I was excited at the chance to play in my first MATH tournament last night. I had specifically spent some time Sunday afternoon winning a token and pre-registering for it so I wouldn't blow it on something else. My confidence in my game was high after my deep run in the 100 Seat Guarantee. I get home last night, and I start surfing the web, checking on some blogs, and generally trying to pass some time before the game.

I'm online for no more than five minutes when my internet connection goes out. Nice. I've had some problems with Comcast before, but usually it's because of some router connection or other that died because some squirrel decided to break into a cable box and take a dump on all of the electronics. I get up and walk into the living room to check the TV. That's strange... no TV either. Usually it's just the internet that goes out.

I'm about to call Comcast at this point when my wife gets home. She opens the door, and before I can even say hello she asks, "Did you see the wires outside?" Wires? What wires? I follow her outside to see that someone had pulled the cable lines out from behind their cover. They then proceeded to disconnect the source lines from the building lines and attach their own black coax line. This line then runs around the entire front of our building and back down the side where the other end is just laying in the grass.

Some fucktard actually thought they were going to be able to steal our cable. I don't know how they could have possibly thought they would get away with this. Let me list the various problems with this super-brilliant plan:

1) All the cable lines are UNDERGROUND. People are going to notice a huge-ass 300 foot cable line running from the FRONT of the building all the way around the side. I live in a condo with 12 units. At least 30 different people walk into and out of this building on a daily basis.

2) The dumbass didn't even reconnect existing lines. He killed the service of three units in his misguided attempt to watch the next season of American Idol. If you are going to steal cable, at least put a freaking SPLITTER on the line so that we will be none the wiser.

3) We're in a very busy neighborhood. Lots of families and lots of kids. If you try and pull this crap, someone is going to see you, and you are going to get caught. The Asian guy that lives above me said he saw someone, but he doesn't speak very good English, so he is not much help.

Anyway, all idiocies aside, you'd think that I would be able to just reconnect the lines and everything would be ok. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I reconnected everything, and the guy on the third floor got his service back, but mine and the guy's above me still don't work. So now I have to wait until Wednesday for a "technician" to come by and tell me that he can't fix it so that they can send a REAL line technician on Friday to fix the problem.

So, my ability to join the blonkeys in a friendly game of poker ended up being sabotaged by some half-wit with a Teletubby fetish. I at least had enough time to call up a friend of mine and have him unregister me. I guess I will have to wait until next week to take down a MATH tournament.

One very minor plus side: I took the idiot's 100+ feet of coax cable and kept it. He is either out around $50 or the time he put in stealing it. I can now wire the entire rest of my condo if I want. Thanks for the free stuff, bitch!

And if I see this guy nosing around outside my building, I will not be calling the cops. So help me, I will beat his ass down, tie him to a chair, and make him watch reruns of the Rosie O'Donnell show. I may be crossing a line here, but some people just have to learn the hard way.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that's a suitable punishment.


8:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's like the guy who stole JoAnna's purse and then used her debit card to pay HIS OWN utility bills. He was REAL HARD to catch.


10:06 AM  
Blogger Matt Silverthorn said...

Just brilliant. But, then, I guess if these people had any intelligence, they wouldn't need to steal.

11:16 AM  
Blogger SO@24 said...

reruns of Rosie? There must be more suitable punishments. I dont even know if the boys in Reservoir Dogs could stomach that.

8:59 PM  

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